What To Do.

I used to have nothing to do. Very almost to the literal point of nothing. Nowadays I swan from work to home to partner to medical appointments to friends, with hopefully only just enough time taken to breathe. So here I am on a Wednesday with the day off work, and I feel lost. I feel as lost as I did during the period between college and not having a job, and what a dark period that was.

My mind on any day is like a bathtub with half of the world's pointless shit piled in it, swirling around trying to push itself through the plughole but there's just too much of it, and the plughole is small, and if there is something small enough to get through then it's only seconds before the next bit of shit tries to wedge itself in. It's a kind of mental swashbuckling that produces terrible analogies. It's a capable mind, but incredibly inefficient.

On a day off like this I want to absorb as much as possible. Films, music, history, places, books, television and everything outside and in between. The issue is it can barely decide to stick to one thing. Sedatives barely allow it to function and stop it from deconstructing and analysing every footstep and syllable, and turning into a self conscious unproductive mess.

I'm working on it all. In writing I now pretend that my rambling incoherency is a stylistic choice.